Next Monday is a special day. It is the day when all of the single people of the world join our hearts and souls together, raise the middle finger, and with one voice, say, “Fuck you, Cupid.”

Do I need to say anything else? No, but I will.

Even were I in a relationship, I would not want to celebrate Valentine’s day. Valentine’s day is not about love. People buy candy and flowers and rings and champagne, go out to dinner, do something “romantic.” If Valentine’s Day were really about love, you would clean the toilet so your significant other doesn’t have to. You would just shut up and admit to being wrong and let go of all the pride that’s been getting between the two of you. You’d forgive each other, for real. That would be Valentine’s Day. Those candy hearts that have stupid sayings on them are like the candy corn of February: everybody has them, and nobody really wants them, and then they’ll go into hiding for another year.

Screw Valentine’s day. Nobody’s taking it seriously anyway, and if they are, it probably means their “love” is weak and non-existent through the rest of the year.

And for all of us single folks, let’s all go have a beer together, because it’s better than drinking by ourselves.

One more time, “Death to Cupid!”